I asked Galen the other day if he was excited about 2011. He said that he was and then he asked me if I was excited. My response…”I think so.” It was honestly how I was feeling at that moment and so much of that has to do with the restless feeling that I wrote about a few months ago. It has been 3 months…and I still feel restless. Again…nothing earth shattering…nothing tragic…just a restlessness…a struggling in my spirit that I cannot shake.
Shortly after writing that first post I had a conversation with a friend and I shared with her that as I tried to pinpoint the reason for why I was feeling this way I realized that it could just simply be because this world is not my home. I long for heaven. That longing makes me restless. Simple…and yet not so simple. ;)
And then a few days ago I was spending some time in prayer asking the Lord for wisdom as I continued to wrestle with these feelings and as I was praying He reminded me of a story I heard several years ago…
A man found a cocoon for a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared, he sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through the little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared stuck.
The man decided to help the butterfly and with a pair of scissors he cut open the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily. Something was strange. The butterfly had a swollen body and shriveled wings. The man watched the butterfly expecting it to take on its correct proportions…but nothing changed.
The butterfly stayed the same. It was never able to fly. In his kindness and haste the man did not realize that the butterfly’s struggle to get through the small opening of the cocoon is how fluid is forced from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight.
Like the sapling which grows strong from being buffeted by the wind…in life it is the struggle sometimes that makes us stronger.
I felt the Lord reminding me that the restlessness…the struggle…it is never in vain if I am surrendered to Him. As a very wise woman that I taught with used to say...there is purpose in the process. I want surrender to His process until He says I am ready to leave the cocoon…no short cuts…no easy way out.
And so as I face this new year…
I embrace the restlessness
I embrace the struggle
but first I surrender to HIM.
And that feeling that this world is not my home…I’m going to hold tightly to that one…because it is the truth…plain and simple.
I have to be honest with you…writing this post and hitting publish is a little scary. But that is something else I want to do this year…blog more about what the Lord is doing in my life. To not be afraid to be a little vulnerable…to ask the Lord to give me wisdom is what I write about…and to be obedient to write what He asks me to. First step… I am going to take a deep breath…and hit “publish”.
working on my butterfly wings…