The alarm set for 3:45am went off and it felt like I had only been asleep for 5 minutes. We loaded up the last of the bags and our 4 sleepyheads and we began the long 15 hour drive home. As we drove there was snow all around us, but the road ahead of us was clear…for that I was very thankful. It was January 2nd and in the quiet of the early morning I began to think about the new year. Unfortunately, instead of looking ahead with excitement and anticipation I began to think about all that I wasn’t looking forward to…
-dealing with difficult people
-setting goals again- (some of the same goals from 2009 that were not achieved)
-continuing to pray for situations that at times seem hopeless
…you get the picture. I went to bed that night with a big pit in my stomach…the all too familiar feeling of fear and anxiety rearing its ugly head.
The next day was Sunday and I was so thankful to be going to church. The worship was great and then our pastor began his message. He started by describing a ridiculous situation in which one day we decided that instead of driving our cars we would begin pushing them. Cars would still have the same engines, but instead of using those engines to drive them we would choose to push them. He spoke about how silly it would be to waste the engine…the source of power, and how tired we would be!
Then he brought the message home…
When we do things our way instead of God’s way it is like choosing to push our cars instead of driving them. We waste the source of power available to us and we find ourselves very tired! He asked the question…Are you tired yet?? When he asked that question I wanted to jump up and scream “YES” and then burst into tears (I didn’t…Galen would have been a little embarrassed. :)
I am tired…I am so tired…because I have been attempting things my way. I have been looking at situations from my perspective…my extremely human perspective. Our pastor talked about David and his example of intimately seeking the Lord. He also talked about choosing to wait on the Lord and to not have a plan B…the Lord is the only “plan” we need. I needed to hear every word that the Lord spoke through my pastor.
I am still wrestling with a few things…but one thing I know is that I am tired of feeling tired….I’m tired of “pushing cars”…I don’t want to waste the SOURCE of power available to me…
“Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:28-31